I am so sad, so tired. Just saw the msg by ES abt the bgs search. How sad, I am going to say something about them again....

Today is the deadline for the report. It was only yesterday morning when A emailed and asked if someone would volunteer to compile. No one answered including me. No one really bothered ya? Last night, I msged A and ask if any1 replied. "Nope, but I just asked B if she could help and she hasn't replied" so I told B because she didn't read the email. I could see she was a little pissed so in the end I just just told her I'll do it. Y didn't I volunteered in the beginning?

I'll probably volunteer to do anything except to compile and do the final report. Why?
Ok you know what... My A levels english just barely made it. I got a C6! Yesh a C6 and I would fail my GP papers during normal school days. Get the idea? it's so lousy that I don't understand why I can be in a university and that I can knocked my head against the wall so many thousand times. Realise I always kept quiet when people are comparing their GP grades because I am ashamed of myself, I am so ashamed. Well anyway, I could do the compiling but I don't think at this point of time anybody could have helped me edit right? So what if the grade of the report is bad? Blame me right?

Back to the story, I hurt my sprained foot again while kneeling to switch off something. Stupid? Anyway, my heart hurts even more when words like "fine lo", "whatever la", "up to you all lo" "you say what then what lo"," how I know how","tmd", "f***" come out from someone's mouth. I don't mind doing the work but I am just very very sad because I don't feel appreciated. I am not going to calculate how much effort and time I put into this group because I feel being in a team/group, we should not compare who do more work than the other. Of course, I am not referring to free-loaders. I don't owe this group anything.

Clare added salt to the wound this morning but saying some of the words I listed above and she ended with a hurting face which she said she accidentally click on. At 8.17 am, as I was listening to the song “dang ni gu dan ni hui xiang qi shui?” I started crying. I don’t know why. I really don’t. maybe because I am really scared of darkness, afraid of loneliness. This song is so scary. It seems to be describing me but it's just that don't have anyone to think of when Im alone? I am scared.

Do you know...Sometimes I don’t like Fafa. You may think that I always repeat what u say to suan you but it’s not only that. I kept using the words because I couldn’t forget these words because these words hurt me. It seems you are not on my side. You can say I am selfish but you know at times, I want to have someone behind supporting me. Am I wrong? When I pon classes, you asked me why in a harsh tone like my parents... I already have my parents to control me, I don't want to be controlled by you too. I hope you understand...

Sometimes I feel my blog makes me sadder. I changed my background song but it's still a sad one...Any idea what the new song is? I thought I have run out of tears, but to my surprise, I still cry when I write this entry. I am now waiting for my buddies to come. I am really looking forward to their visit.